Nurturing Spiritual Growth in Families

By Denice Ann Evans

It is 8:30 PM on a school night, and I am just now preparing dinner for my two boys, ages 6 and 14. It has been a long day, but a typical one in the life of a single working mom. I have had to “change hats” from care-taker to disciplinarian, from business woman to domestic Goddess, from crisis counselor to loving girlfriend all in one day, and that’s not even mentioning the sub-categories of chauffeur, maid, cook, accountant, and PTA mom.

When I wake up in the morning, I often pray that I will make the right choices for myself and my children - choices that will support all of our growth. Of course, praying only works up until a certain point. It has to be backed up with a great deal of courage and determination to make it all work. Some days are easier than others, and then there are those days when the boys are not getting along, toys are being thrown, voices are elevated, the cat has just thrown up on the rug and you have to have the draft of your new article into your editor by 5:00 PM… I know, I know, no one said it was going to be easy.

So, what’s an enlightened mom, trying to promote and encourage conscious living in her home, to do? I may think of myself as Wonder Woman, but I do not have “magic wristbands” to deflect life’s bullets nor “a truth lasso” to give me all the answers. Most of what I have learned is through trial and error and, of course, my insatiable need to seek out the most highly-evolved parenting tips on the planet. I take my role as spiritual director of the family very seriously. The questions I ask myself are questions every parent should ask; how do I want my children to be in this world? How can I role model intrinsic values for them? What support systems are available and who can I rely on?

The Quest for Change

My friend Lori asked these same questions when her three year old son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). Their whole family was affected by her son’s high energy and un-channeled creativity. Most activities became a challenge, which caused Lori’s health to decline. To seek help for herself, so she could better help her son, Lori learned relaxation techniques. These relaxation exercises and positive affirmations brought her the energy and focus she needed. Lori taught her son these same techniques, empowering him to balance his active self with his quiet self and how to honor and understand his emotions.

Their work together was so successful that her son overcame his attention challenges in one year without his Ritalin meditation. Lori knows now that her son was misdiagnosed and has replaced prescription drugs with meditation and hugs. Lori was so moved by her son’s recovery that she subsequently wrote four children’s books on meditation and relaxation and produced a meditation CD. Lori shares her success story nationwide in hopes to give the gift of harmony to families across the country, even if they face tremendous challenges.

Inspired by Lori’s work, I attended a workshop in Asheville, North Carolina where I became a Certified Child Meditation Facilitator. Our facilitator, Sarah, immediately put me at ease with her accessible way of teaching that didn’t seem like “teaching” at all. It felt like she was participating with us and learning as I learned. Sarah’s teachings are co-active, operating from a partnership of teaching and learning instead of the adult lecturing the student on what to do.

Growth Through Partnership - The Satya Method

Sarah uses a unique approach she developed called the Satya Method. It is a teaching method based on a partnership between the adult and child. It promotes an understanding that the teacher and the student are both a teacher and student. Not only are we mirroring our mental, spiritual, and emotional selves to the child, but the child is mirroring the same back at us. In essence, the act of teaching becomes a type of spiritual practice and experiential learning for adults.

This teaching method is revolutionary in its approach to parenting and partnering with children. There are seven principles to the Satya Method that are applicable whether you are a teacher using them within an educational school system, private classes, or a parent using them at home with your own kids. The word Satya translates several different ways, but basically it means real, genuine, honest, true character, and sincerity. Mohandas Gandhi used the word Satya to name his self-sufficiency movement, Satyagraha, which means “truth action.”

The reigning principle in the Satya Method is principle number one, Creating a Space for Growth Through Partnership. Within this principle it is important that the facilitator, who can be a teacher or a parent, understand the concept of “children as our mirrors.” I believe the entire world could benefit by understanding just how profound this concept really is. Children reflect back to us everything we are displaying to the world: our love, our joy, our pain, our anger.

Acting as our mirrors, children teach us and challenge us to be our best. When a child is “trying our patience” they are literally “trying it.” They are showing you what you are made of in that moment. Their actions are saying, “I am sensing your impatience, and because that is what you are showing me I am going to “try it on” for size, reflect it back to you with my “trying” actions, and show you what you are doing. As an adult the challenge comes in recognizing the gift of what is being offered to you in that moment. It is a chance to see yourself in the mirror of that child and take pause, notice, and rethink your choice of behavior. It is a time for major growth and awareness.

Sarah explains this in her new book, Children, Meditation, and Growth: Teaching Meditation to Children Using The Satya Method. “Children reflect to us our inner world: who we are, who we want to be and who we do not want to be. Therefore, a child who may appear to be acting out or not following directions is simply showing us something important about ourselves.” By understanding this principle the facilitator will notice what the child is mirroring and shift the moment into a transformational learning and growing experience that both teacher and student benefit from, in other words, an authentic experience.

The Sayta Method in Practice

I take the Satya Method principles into my son’s karate studio where I teach meditation classes to children. During my classes, there is high awareness and authentic interaction taking place. For example, I had just finished The Tree Meditation, which helps children release stress, anger, and sadness. We were all sitting in a circle, and I asked my students questions: How do you feel? Do you feel any different? What kind of tree did you have? The children were all anxious to share, especially one child named Jonathon. He continually interrupted the other children while they were speaking and his answer to every question was “I don’t know.” I acknowledged to him that it was okay not to know and would he please keep his voice quiet while the other children gave their answers. He agreed, but then on the next question and the next question after that he interrupted again and very loudly said “I don’t know.”

He thought this was all very clever, but I was concerned because I felt he had not listened to me. I considered sending him into time out, but quickly remembered to ask myself what he might be mirroring to me.

In this situation Jonathon mirrored back to me my own need to be heard and to entertain with clever words. I realized after the class that I indeed had issues surrounding finding my voice and feeling like people weren’t listening to me. I also owned the fact that I sometimes liked to be the center of attention and make people laugh, perhaps even times when it was not appropriate. Jonathon’s seemingly disruptive behavior was just what I needed to reach a deeper insight within myself.

Self-Reflective Meditation for Children

I do my best to give my sons and my students the tools they need to foster their own spiritual growth. I do this by both modeling and encouraging them to take a few moments to look inside themselves. The innate knowledge and wisdom of children are often overlooked values in a world where educational systems reward the children who “perform” with high grades. There is extra pressure on them to compete at school, in sports, and extra-curricular activities. The needs of naturally intuitive and feeling-based children, sometimes identified as Indigo’s, are virtually ignored. In addition, a great many parents push their children to emulate of themselves and live up to goals that support how their family is viewed within a community or social strata.

Meditation creates a sacred space for children to just “be.” Within this space there is time to relax, re-learn, and re-member who they really are. Meditation helps children handle the day-to-day stressors they are met with. Since stress is usually associated with adults, children’s stress is overlooked. As a result, society does not validate children’s issues as equally important to those of adults. Meditation helps children release pent up energies that they may not even be aware of. This wonderful tool helps children manage their actions, thoughts, and emotions in an often confusing world.

My sons and I are on a spiritual journey to our version of family harmony. We walk this path together. We are partners on this quest for balance and fulfillment. For example, learning how to meditate is something we can explore together. Sarah’s workshop prepares parents, teachers and therapists to teach meditation to children. One of the techniques I found most useful was how to create a meditation for my children on the spot.

I talk to my sons about how arguing, throwing toys, and raising our voices at each other doesn’t feel too good. I shared with them that I get frustrated sometimes and need their help in keeping harmony in our home. I let them talk about their frustrations as well. As I listened to their points of view I could clearly see how their behaviors had been mirroring my own frustrations about being a single mom and getting it all right.

Recently, I lead my two sons through a short meditation about arguing, of my own creation. I asked them to sit on the couch with me and take ten deep breaths. They closed their eyes while I asked them to think of a time when they were arguing with someone and remember what that felt like. Then I asked them to visualize that feeling as a big cloud of energy being lifted from their bodies and out of our house and into the universe and then disappearing for good. Of course, I checked in to see if they were getting it, and they were. I then asked them to think of the times when our family is peaceful, quiet, and loving and speaking nicely to each other. I asked them to notice the difference in their bodies when they felt how the peaceful times affected them. Finally, I asked my sons to remember this feeling as our family vibration.

After the meditation both kids said they felt better and we all agreed to talk with quieter voices, even if we don't like something that is going on. And the boys agreed to treat each other better and try to avoid arguments. Then we all drew pictures and made fun of my lack of artistic ability. I felt the connective bond between us and could see true understanding reflected back in their eyes.

In Sarah’s book, there is a chapter devoted to meditations and activities that is very user-friendly. Because each personal experience is unique, Sarah gives many examples that have a wide variety of uses. There is the “Sleepy Cloud” meditation for children who need a little help getting to sleep. There are also meditations for getting to the root of their fears and anxieties and meditations for calming and releasing stress. The book also includes extensive information on the labeling of children, different learning styles, and how to be a facilitator.

Conscious Parenting Yields Happy Endings

It is another day at my house. The children came home from school happy and healthy with good reports. Homework was done without complaints. It is 7:00 in the evening and I am making my famous homemade spaghetti sauce, a recipe handed down from my great-grandmother. My two boys are seated at the kitchen table quietly building a Lego castle together. My fourteen year old is gently instructing my six year old how to make the turrets for the top of their fortress. Native American flute music plays in the back ground, and I am enjoying the peace in my home. I tell my boys that dinner will be ready in about ten minutes, and will they please put away the rest of the Lego and then wash up for dinner. They are involved in their project, but give me an “Okay, Mom.”

As we all sat down at the dinner table I looked at each of my beloved children. Tears of gratitude welled up inside of me. Maybe I do have a bit of Wonder Woman in me after all.

- Denice Ann Evans

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Denice Ann Evans
CATALYST COACHING, LLC.

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